In the the beginning there was… the proverbial blank page. So much to say and so little organisation of thoughts. My vision was born out of numerous inspirations, the main three being;

The series ‘Sex and the City’. Often the episodes started with heroine Carrie Bradshaw sitting, one assumes in her apartment, at her computer, typing a question about everyday life that was relevant to her group of friends.

Then we have Malcolm Gladwell, (of ‘The Tipping Point’ fame) who also seems to draw from his friends, news items, and the internal workings of his insatiable curiosity. There is a subtle warning here, to my friends… but then you always were my inspiration, I just haven’t written about it before.

Lastly, there is newsletter called Brainpickings by Maria Popova (brainpickings.org). I took it as a personal blessing when, on Wednesday, her 12th anniversary, she published her learnings from the last ten years and added a bit. This was hugely encouraging that she started with a weekly letter to seven friends. It was a serendipitous affirmation of what I had already written about beginnings on the very day that I complete my first piece.

So here I am, Cary Bradshaw without the glamour, Malcolm Gladwell without the research and probably the intellect, and Maria Popova without the vast literary background, but I do hope to offer moments of reflection, amusement or interest.

Having done a little bit of creative writing, (allaboutwriting.com) the immediate dilemma is to reveal all in the an ‘About me” section (Sited in all the good blog guides), or to stay with the ‘show don’t tell’ so wisely punted by the ‘real’ writers. Clearly I have a lot to learn and I am hoping that you will share and shape the journey. I know that my personality tends to being fully open and honest, (you could read blunt and intense) which has not always served me well, but further crystallised advice tells us that we have to write as we are, with our own voice, about what we know or experience. We can assume then, that I am going to reveal more that I am comfortable with, to unknown, multiple others, who have not proved to be a safe receptacle for my more delicate feelings. This feels pretty daring.

So, back to the beginning idea. How can we ever know, except in retrospect, when a beginning is a beginning? Was that meeting 5 mins ago a start of a relationship, or a nonevent? Did that flippant action or word launch a series of event that could change the trajectory of a life? Have we, through wishful thinking, assigned a title of a beginning that was not realistic, given the subsequent flow of events? When did that health niggle turn serious? Have we been thrilled by the unexpected beginnings?

Seems to me that beginnings and endings are but structures we create to give a sense of something being finite. If we can confine i.e. a relationship to a place in time and space, we can imagine that we limit the damage, pain, or influence it has on us. Beginnings are beginning to feel like rather arbitrary constructs so that we can order and confine our thoughts and limit the mystery and unpredictableness of life (which is one of the hardest parts of the human experience). We defend against the idea that we have no what is going to happen next.

By the same token, how do we define an end? When does a war end, or a relationship? In war there is usually a neat date of submission or annihilation but what does that actually mean? Nothing is restored to before. Generations will still hate, infrastructure will take decades to recover, psychological scars will be carried through the original recipients and down through many generations. Is a relationship finished when we no longer feel pain or rancour or when it no longer gets a thought at all?

Taking a relationship, which is the most obvious example out of my experience – usually is would be defined by a starting point of actually meeting face to face. I think this must seldom be true. When we meet people there are so many other factors in play. We stand in our entire history, looking out from every previous experience, both positive and negative, starting from birth. Nothing happens in a vacuum. Mood, receptivity, circumstances, place, expectations all impact our state of mind. So much of the background colour is there, usually unconsciously, influencing our experience and reactions.

I also think of hope, and this is a problem. So we will declare a ‘beginning’ in hope and expectation, possibly little of which would be justified Beginnings are so much more about us than some actual event. It is our anticipation of an imagined event, a dream that will change our life, whether that be a lotto win or that mythical knight on a white charger, a new job or a new country.

Are we ever really a blank page? I sit here, wanting to redefine myself as a writer. Not a novelist, but a commentator on everyday life. I would like to be able to amuse, provoke, inspire a little further contemplation of our lives.

This always fascinated me. How interesting it is to pause and think a bit deeper about the intricacies and idiosyncrasies of our real lives around us. It will become apparent that one of my soap box subjects is that the pace of life, or the demands of society, seem to have obliterated the habit of reflection, hence we all dash about without a moments’ thought about what is going on at an emotional, spiritual or relational level. What a waste of humanhood!

So here, my first, toe in the water, offering. As I count a number of English teachers amongst my friends and a few authors – I invite you to have a ball with my use of syntax and commas. (At least my appalling spelling is disguised by Spellcheck, take that Miss Marsh) I also have a wide range of intellect around me from varying modalities – come back at me please. Then there are the kind, encouraging ones – I need you more than ever.